OH MY GODD YOU GAIZ! *CRIEZ*
I just woke up from a terrible, terrible nightmare about Uruha and HE WAS FORCING ME TO SUCK COCK. ;_____________;

Serious-fucking-ly.
I...I don't know how am I supposed to fucking react. It was strange, and icky, and vivid and detailed and jhfwysjhfjajd,j!!!!

It was like I was lying in some random sofa and he was towering over me, talking gibberish for which I can't quite remember now but it felt like he was talking me into it. And then after a while he just climbed up to me, straddled my chest and then...AND THEN IT HAPPENED! *Q*

I swear to God I feel so violated right now. (/)_(\)
He was my current desktop wallpaper and I can't even fucking look at him without having unstoppable recollections about that stupid dream. I know, just a dream but seriously, what the fuck? I don't really think I've ever imagined him in such a way, not him nor anyone in the band. Not even Ruki from which you guys all know I'm a total slut for and it's just sooo weird.

And when I woke up, I felt....strange. Like my stomach's flipping and already on a verge of an...OF AN EXPLOSION! But a good one and yes I do admit it felt good. >//////////////<

...*sighs*
Why excuse me while I go cry in some corner now.

ラベル: fuckery fuck fuck, sad horny dreams are sad and horny, uruduckie♥, wtf

CURRENT MOOD: [ Confused o.O ]
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: 粉雪 - レミオロメン

I just had the weirdest gaze dream ever. o____O;
I was rushing in some kind of hall with a friend (whom, after waking up, I realized that I didn't know nor have met before) and she was literally dragging my ass to go faster because the Gazette's performing. So having been told, I tried my best to reach the place as fast as I could and when we got there, there's this massive stage, with fireworks and everything and when Gaze finally came into view, I heard Ruki announcing that they'll be performing their newest single off of DIM as an opening act.

And then it happened, Ruki straightened his hand, his palm facing the audience, while Reita, Uruha, Aoi and Kai emerged from the thick fog at the back of the stage, throwing these weird, awkwardly arrogant nods are each other and started....dancing. o.O

I knew it! I sooo knew it there was something fishy about it because I remember whispering to my friend something like "Where are their intruments?" and just...damn it. And what's worst is that Ruki and Uruha looked like they're soo into dancing and was totally working it. I swear to God I was soo shocked I can't even remember how it ended. I just woke up with this perplexed feeling coursing through my body. Seriously, never once I doubted my own sanity, until now.

*shakes head*

Actually, alot of strange things have been happening to me lately, in my sleep especially. Just two nights ago, I had a dream of Ruki pulling me in some dark room and when he opened the lights, there's this really huge (probably almost just as big as he is) cookie jar in the middle of the room and he was like "Hey! Don't just stand there! What the hell are you waiting for?!" then he rushed to the jar and dipped his hands to get himself some cookies. I just stood there and for some reason I started crying and that's pretty much how it ended.

And I've been feeling myself get up in the middle of the night as well. I couldn't quite remember what I did but I did felt getting up. And just this morning too, I was so certain that I shut Lilith down before sleeping but for some reason when I woke up, she's on standbye.

Seriously, I might just need to cuff myself. And no, it wont be a dirty as you all thought it would! *shifty eyes*

Anyways, a new post! (Why yes, I'm just getting started.)
I know some of you are asking why I haven't been posting, despite you guys seeing me online almost every damn day. The truth is, I've been trying to write, be it in a fic or just occasional letters for friends, updates, commenting on other people's journals...everything. I've been trying to be the friend you're all expecting me to be, but for some reason, for the past few days I've been feeling kind of...odd. Odd, in the sense that I haven't been feeling right talking to people. I haven't talked to Caitlin for two weeks, which is strange in every sense of the word since we always talk, but whenever I'd open my MSN and listen to people talk, I find myself being easily, royally ticked off.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's about people in general, really. It's more of like a personal issue. I've always been the type who likes people getting attached to her, but doesn't fancy her being attached to people. I draw myself back before everything gets serious, before I start caring. And I care for all of my friends, I really do. But sometimes I couldn't help but question myself of what we have, exactly.

Taken for instance, I have a friend whom I've been friends with for five years. We've gone through rough roads, fell apart and sewn each other back again and so on. And it's just...I dont know. It just hurts to think that one day, you're inseparable then the next you're treating each other like strangers. And what's worst is that I feel like for us to break this icy feeling, I should be the one who'd stretch a hand and reach out because I believe there's no way she would do it herself.

Then again, my question is, what am I to you, really?

.....*sighs*
This update isn't supposed to end this way but I guess I'll just write again later.

See ya, bitches. ♥

ラベル: fuckery fuck fuck, gazerock is hardcore love, lolwhuuut, sad horny dreams are sad and horny, shit happens, this is srs bsns, useless worthless babblings

CURRENT MOOD : [ Satisfied. xDDD ]
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO : Nausea and Shudder - the GazettE


I had a rather...peculiar dream last night.
It's not anything morbid, at least not over my own liking, nor sexual. It's a little disturbing in some part, a little icky and weird but above all, just like how Caitlin put it upon telling her what happened this morning, "a fulfillment of my fantasies."

...No, not really. (.___. )
Cut the long story short, I had a rape dream. And it's not just any other rape dream. It was weird in more sense than one; the scene was that I was in my room, being raped by this weird, long-legged-long-limbed guy who's apparently really strong that he could swiftly flip me onto any position he liked. I was struggling, of course, but his firm grip on both my wrist placed on top of my head made it all seem useless.

The weird thing was, I couldn't see his face, nor any part of his head hence giving me no trace of recognition whatsoever. All I can remember is that he has perfect skin and long limbs, almost alien-like. o.O And if not for the fact that I could feel his warm breath ghost all over me and the loud thumping of his heartbeat against our skin, I would have thought he's not human at all.

It was going fine, at least in his part that is, until he flipped me violently on my stomach, positioning me in all fours ( ooohhhkay, I'm getting a little too detailed on this, but the dream was really vague that I could remember all the small details, or at least most of it. So please bare with me. ) when my gaze lifted and saw my nephew through the small crack of my bedroom door, face filled with unimaginable horror while gripping on his toy sword, as if one push of courage would send him running through the door and cutting the intruder-rapist-into pieces. I remember trying to wiggle out of the rapist's gasp, wanting to reach out to my nephew, tell him to run away or to at least not fucking look but I was so helpless that I can't even squeak a sound.

Gah, remembering all the details are giving me goosebumps, seriously! DDDx

But after a while, for some inane reason the scenery changed, and it was like I was back in our old apartment 8 years ago, and I saw this really cute girl. I remember asking her how she got there and I remember being told that she's trying to find her mom, so I carried her and helped her find her mother. The strange thing was she's this really cute, fat, squishy kid, and carrying her all throughout the search would have been stressing but for some reason, I was enjoying it. I carried her as we walked all over the place and well, at least I dont remember being tired or anything.

Despite the morbid start of my dream, I managed to wake up smiling.
But damnnnn it, that rape dream. (@____@)

Anywayssss,
I had a great day. First off, I got a new haircut, which I really adore because it somehow came out nice despite my sister's attempt to brainwash me about it. She was totally against me chopping my hair since she wanted me to grow it out already, saying long hair fits me more but I guess I proved her wrong. I look hot. *laughs*

Sadly though, I wasn't able to take a picture due to the fact that my stupid, good-for-nothing mobile phone is still in the repair shop (god knows when will I get it again, but whatever.) so I guess the picture taking will have to wait till tomorrow. *nods nods*

But to give you guys some ideas, I took this picture to the hairstylist and made it as a reference photo and magically, she got it right. The same cut, the same length, only that my hair's not plum but strawberry blonde.

It looks awesome, seriouslyyy. xDDDD

And I guess that's it!
Why yes, I actually just came in to gloat and share that morbid dream of mine. Hahaha! But hey, I'll prolly update again either tonight or tomorrow morning, hopefully I could finally take a picture of my new hair because I'm really proud of it. Heeeee. ♥

Bye, stupids.

ラベル: hah bloody hah, harhar, omgyayzzz, sad horny dreams are sad and horny, this is srs bsns, useless worthless babblings

OH MY GODD YOU GAIZ! *CRIEZ*
I just woke up from a terrible, terrible nightmare about Uruha and HE WAS FORCING ME TO SUCK COCK. ;_____________;

Serious-fucking-ly.
I...I don't know how am I supposed to fucking react. It was strange, and icky, and vivid and detailed and jhfwysjhfjajd,j!!!!

It was like I was lying in some random sofa and he was towering over me, talking gibberish for which I can't quite remember now but it felt like he was talking me into it. And then after a while he just climbed up to me, straddled my chest and then...AND THEN IT HAPPENED! *Q*

I swear to God I feel so violated right now. (/)_(\)
He was my current desktop wallpaper and I can't even fucking look at him without having unstoppable recollections about that stupid dream. I know, just a dream but seriously, what the fuck? I don't really think I've ever imagined him in such a way, not him nor anyone in the band. Not even Ruki from which you guys all know I'm a total slut for and it's just sooo weird.

And when I woke up, I felt....strange. Like my stomach's flipping and already on a verge of an...OF AN EXPLOSION! But a good one and yes I do admit it felt good. >//////////////<

...*sighs*
Why excuse me while I go cry in some corner now.

ラベル: fuckery fuck fuck, sad horny dreams are sad and horny, uruduckie♥, wtf

CURRENT MOOD: [ Confused o.O ]
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: 粉雪 - レミオロメン

I just had the weirdest gaze dream ever. o____O;
I was rushing in some kind of hall with a friend (whom, after waking up, I realized that I didn't know nor have met before) and she was literally dragging my ass to go faster because the Gazette's performing. So having been told, I tried my best to reach the place as fast as I could and when we got there, there's this massive stage, with fireworks and everything and when Gaze finally came into view, I heard Ruki announcing that they'll be performing their newest single off of DIM as an opening act.

And then it happened, Ruki straightened his hand, his palm facing the audience, while Reita, Uruha, Aoi and Kai emerged from the thick fog at the back of the stage, throwing these weird, awkwardly arrogant nods are each other and started....dancing. o.O

I knew it! I sooo knew it there was something fishy about it because I remember whispering to my friend something like "Where are their intruments?" and just...damn it. And what's worst is that Ruki and Uruha looked like they're soo into dancing and was totally working it. I swear to God I was soo shocked I can't even remember how it ended. I just woke up with this perplexed feeling coursing through my body. Seriously, never once I doubted my own sanity, until now.

*shakes head*

Actually, alot of strange things have been happening to me lately, in my sleep especially. Just two nights ago, I had a dream of Ruki pulling me in some dark room and when he opened the lights, there's this really huge (probably almost just as big as he is) cookie jar in the middle of the room and he was like "Hey! Don't just stand there! What the hell are you waiting for?!" then he rushed to the jar and dipped his hands to get himself some cookies. I just stood there and for some reason I started crying and that's pretty much how it ended.

And I've been feeling myself get up in the middle of the night as well. I couldn't quite remember what I did but I did felt getting up. And just this morning too, I was so certain that I shut Lilith down before sleeping but for some reason when I woke up, she's on standbye.

Seriously, I might just need to cuff myself. And no, it wont be a dirty as you all thought it would! *shifty eyes*

Anyways, a new post! (Why yes, I'm just getting started.)
I know some of you are asking why I haven't been posting, despite you guys seeing me online almost every damn day. The truth is, I've been trying to write, be it in a fic or just occasional letters for friends, updates, commenting on other people's journals...everything. I've been trying to be the friend you're all expecting me to be, but for some reason, for the past few days I've been feeling kind of...odd. Odd, in the sense that I haven't been feeling right talking to people. I haven't talked to Caitlin for two weeks, which is strange in every sense of the word since we always talk, but whenever I'd open my MSN and listen to people talk, I find myself being easily, royally ticked off.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's about people in general, really. It's more of like a personal issue. I've always been the type who likes people getting attached to her, but doesn't fancy her being attached to people. I draw myself back before everything gets serious, before I start caring. And I care for all of my friends, I really do. But sometimes I couldn't help but question myself of what we have, exactly.

Taken for instance, I have a friend whom I've been friends with for five years. We've gone through rough roads, fell apart and sewn each other back again and so on. And it's just...I dont know. It just hurts to think that one day, you're inseparable then the next you're treating each other like strangers. And what's worst is that I feel like for us to break this icy feeling, I should be the one who'd stretch a hand and reach out because I believe there's no way she would do it herself.

Then again, my question is, what am I to you, really?

.....*sighs*
This update isn't supposed to end this way but I guess I'll just write again later.

See ya, bitches. ♥

ラベル: fuckery fuck fuck, gazerock is hardcore love, lolwhuuut, sad horny dreams are sad and horny, shit happens, this is srs bsns, useless worthless babblings

CURRENT MOOD : [ Satisfied. xDDD ]
CURRENTLY LISTENING TO : Nausea and Shudder - the GazettE


I had a rather...peculiar dream last night.
It's not anything morbid, at least not over my own liking, nor sexual. It's a little disturbing in some part, a little icky and weird but above all, just like how Caitlin put it upon telling her what happened this morning, "a fulfillment of my fantasies."

...No, not really. (.___. )
Cut the long story short, I had a rape dream. And it's not just any other rape dream. It was weird in more sense than one; the scene was that I was in my room, being raped by this weird, long-legged-long-limbed guy who's apparently really strong that he could swiftly flip me onto any position he liked. I was struggling, of course, but his firm grip on both my wrist placed on top of my head made it all seem useless.

The weird thing was, I couldn't see his face, nor any part of his head hence giving me no trace of recognition whatsoever. All I can remember is that he has perfect skin and long limbs, almost alien-like. o.O And if not for the fact that I could feel his warm breath ghost all over me and the loud thumping of his heartbeat against our skin, I would have thought he's not human at all.

It was going fine, at least in his part that is, until he flipped me violently on my stomach, positioning me in all fours ( ooohhhkay, I'm getting a little too detailed on this, but the dream was really vague that I could remember all the small details, or at least most of it. So please bare with me. ) when my gaze lifted and saw my nephew through the small crack of my bedroom door, face filled with unimaginable horror while gripping on his toy sword, as if one push of courage would send him running through the door and cutting the intruder-rapist-into pieces. I remember trying to wiggle out of the rapist's gasp, wanting to reach out to my nephew, tell him to run away or to at least not fucking look but I was so helpless that I can't even squeak a sound.

Gah, remembering all the details are giving me goosebumps, seriously! DDDx

But after a while, for some inane reason the scenery changed, and it was like I was back in our old apartment 8 years ago, and I saw this really cute girl. I remember asking her how she got there and I remember being told that she's trying to find her mom, so I carried her and helped her find her mother. The strange thing was she's this really cute, fat, squishy kid, and carrying her all throughout the search would have been stressing but for some reason, I was enjoying it. I carried her as we walked all over the place and well, at least I dont remember being tired or anything.

Despite the morbid start of my dream, I managed to wake up smiling.
But damnnnn it, that rape dream. (@____@)

Anywayssss,
I had a great day. First off, I got a new haircut, which I really adore because it somehow came out nice despite my sister's attempt to brainwash me about it. She was totally against me chopping my hair since she wanted me to grow it out already, saying long hair fits me more but I guess I proved her wrong. I look hot. *laughs*

Sadly though, I wasn't able to take a picture due to the fact that my stupid, good-for-nothing mobile phone is still in the repair shop (god knows when will I get it again, but whatever.) so I guess the picture taking will have to wait till tomorrow. *nods nods*

But to give you guys some ideas, I took this picture to the hairstylist and made it as a reference photo and magically, she got it right. The same cut, the same length, only that my hair's not plum but strawberry blonde.

It looks awesome, seriouslyyy. xDDDD

And I guess that's it!
Why yes, I actually just came in to gloat and share that morbid dream of mine. Hahaha! But hey, I'll prolly update again either tonight or tomorrow morning, hopefully I could finally take a picture of my new hair because I'm really proud of it. Heeeee. ♥

Bye, stupids.

ラベル: hah bloody hah, harhar, omgyayzzz, sad horny dreams are sad and horny, this is srs bsns, useless worthless babblings