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OH MY GODD YOU GAIZ! *CRIEZ*I just woke up from a terrible, terrible nightmare about Uruha and HE WAS FORCING ME TO SUCK COCK. ;_____________;Serious-fucking-ly.I...I don't know how am I supposed to fucking react. It was strange, and icky, and vivid and detailed and jhfwysjhfjajd,j!!!! It was like I was lying in some random sofa and he was towering over me, talking gibberish for which I can't quite remember now but it felt like he was talking me into it. And then after a while he just climbed up to me, straddled my chest and then... AND THEN IT HAPPENED! *Q* I swear to God I feel so violated right now. (/)_(\) He was my current desktop wallpaper and I can't even fucking look at him without having unstoppable recollections about that stupid dream. I know, just a dream but seriously, what the fuck? I don't really think I've ever imagined him in such a way, not him nor anyone in the band. Not even Ruki from which you guys all know I'm a total slut for and it's just sooo weird. And when I woke up, I felt....strange. Like my stomach's flipping and already on a verge of an... OF AN EXPLOSION! But a good one and yes I do admit it felt good. >//////////////< ...*sighs* Why excuse me while I go cry in some corner now. ラベル: fuckery fuck fuck, sad horny dreams are sad and horny, uruduckie♥, wtf
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Ahh, the meme I promised since I can't really think of anything else to write. Sadly, I still can't find appropriate pictures for star_jrock's meme but Kaliababy I will tryyyy! ♥ But for now, here's a meme chirorichan tagged me with. Ten things that I wish I could say to ten different people right now:
Ø1. I don't know why but of all the people who've thrown me shit, you're pretty much my biggest disappointment. If it's because I actually tried to be there for you only for my advices to be ignored or shrugged off, or that I actually love you way too much to stand seeing you break down infront of me. You were right, maybe we shouldn't be friends. We're far too different, weren't we? You're too careless, I'm too calculating. I always think, you almost dont and surely I can list out all the things where you and I differ, but I think the fact that you're one of the few friends I actually treasured beats them all and I don't know if I should be happy or sad about it.
And now you're lonely. So damn lonely that I can freakin' sense it till up here. But I'm not gonna do something about it. You should do something about it. Stop depending on people to make your life easier because that's your job.
Ø2. Sometimes, you make me wish we're not related by blood.
Ø3. Anger management, bitch. You need one.
Ø4. I don't know what happened to you, either. We used to be really good friends but lately you've always been aggressive towards everything I say. It feels like every talk is an argument with you and I don't know if I was starting to seem like a walking contradiction for you or you're just trying wayy too hard to prove something as if it gets you fucking off or something. FR-FCKNG-SRS.
Ø5. You seem to have developed a habit of making me wonder if you care about me as much as I care about you. No, really. Sometimes you make me wonder if I really am straight. o____O;
Ø6. You're actually pretty likable when you're not insecure.
Ø7. Thank you so much for everything. You've always been so kind to me and I'm glad that I met you.
Ø8. I'm sorry that I'm giving up on you. I'm sorry that the last time we talked will surely be the last time. I'm sorry but this just isn't going to work.
Ø9. It had been a while. How's touring around the world? Not that I still care but...
1Ø. I think there is a chance that I kind of--sort of, quite possibly, might be inlove with you. And I know you probably know that, but uh...yeah. I just feel like saying. o___O;
Nine things about myself:
Ø1. I don't think when I act.
Ø2. My days consist of 2% worrying and 98% daydreaming.
Ø3. I'm a picky eater.
Ø4. I have a bad sense of style.
Ø5. Watching television depresses me.
Ø6. I'm never really going to be pretty enough in my own eyes.
Ø7. I have an obsessive/addictive personality and I believe flailing over jrockers could never justify that. Maybe if I'd tell you how my dad has to hide all of our cough syrup back when I was six just so I wouldn't drink it all by myself? Or that I've taken two pills of Tegretol just for the fucking fun of it? For me it doesn't really sound as serious as it may seem since I'm getting by, but...I dont know. I think my main problem was, once I've started I couldn't stop. *shrugs*
Ø8. Despite all that, I'm always, naturally happy. ^^
Ø9. I've fallen inlove with men I am yet to meet.
Eight ways to win my heart:
Ø1. Take me to new places.
Ø2. Teach me things I'm never gonna learn from somebody else.
Ø3. Be totally, TOTALLY hot. xDDDDD
Ø4. Musically-inclined.
Ø5. Smart. Someone who could make me sigh to myself, not the other way around.
Ø6. Gentle.
Ø7. Warm.
Ø8. Unattached. Because I want you all for myself.
Seven things that cross my mind a lot:
Ø1. the Gazette.
Ø2. Sex.
Ø3. My stories.
Ø4. Death.
Ø5. Poverty.
Ø6. What Philippines had become.
Ø7. Random things.
Six things I do before I fall asleep: I don't really have sleeping routines.
Five people who mean a lot:
Ø1. Dad.
Ø2. Mom.
Ø3. Best friend.
Ø4. My pet(s).
Ø5. .......
Four things I'm wearing right now:
Ø1. brown tank top.
Ø2. Pajamas.
Ø3. Red socks.
Ø4. ....Nothing else. xDDD
Three songs I listen often to:
Ø1. Do me more - Namie Amuro ( lol w-addams13 , I don't know if I'd love you or hate you for introducing me to this song. This isn't my type of music but duuude, the pole-dancing unicorns got me. Hahahha!)
Ø2. Mugen No Hana -alice nine.
Ø3. Guren - the GazettE
Two things I want to do before I die:
Ø1. Travel the world.
Ø2. Outgrow my fears.
One confession:
I only watch gay porn. YAY FOR TWIN DONGS! ...*grins* Sorry if there's too much rage in some of the answers. I has ange issues. 8DDD ...No, really. (>_____>;) ラベル: bawwww, capslock lol, fuckery fuck fuck, ily, maaad duckie, memetiemzzz, raggeeee, useless worthless babblings
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CURRENT MOOD:  [ Crazy, ehh? Like that's changed. LOL ] CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: OGRE - the GazettE Goodmorning, bbs. ♥ I've come to notice that I haven't told you guys about what happened at my friend Carmela's birthday party, yes? Well, the event itself isn't very...eventful, but what we all went through just by going to the party is pretty much an interesting, new experience, per se. To cut the plausibly long ass, tragic story short; it was a chain of seemingly unending unfortunate events. First, we were dismissed earlier on the seminar, which supposedly is a good thing but at the same time, it made us all agree into the idea of going to my other friend Emiline's house to doll up, which is pretty much the root of all them tragic events that occurred that day. We were dismissed at two in the afternoon, went to Em's house, prepped for the party till five then it started raining. It was faintly a drizzle at first, something we didn't really consider threatening but after a few more minutes it started to pour down really hard. And since we all have our own umbrellas anyway (well, maybe except for miss careless right here. *points*) we still didn't quite see it bothering. But apparently, and very obviously, we were wrong. When we got out of Em's house, it was pouring down even harder, which kinda made us all pouty because some of us, if not all, were wearing heels which would be totally ruined because of the rain. But Emiline promised us she'll get us a tricycle so it wasn't really a big deal now, was it? So we waited for that tricycle she promised, most of us getting impatient after a few more minutes till this one tricycle driver went up to us and said that the tricycle that was supposed to fetch us from Em's house couldn't pass through anymore because of the flood. Yes, flood. Leg-freakin' high of dirty ass water from ditches and drainage and sewage filling the roads. We were all on the verge of tearing up because we practically wasted 4 hours over make-up and hair, only to find out that we wont be able to attend the party at all. But seriously, it gets better. And no, I haven't even got to the best part. Not even close.Emiline, feeling remotely responsible, assured us that she'll get someone to fetch us still and that there's still a way out of it. Perplexed, but we trusted her anyways because we can't really do anything about it. But what I didn't know is that the thing she said that was going to fetch us will be a cart. Yes, a cart slash motorcycle with no roofs, no seats and to be able to ride it you're gonna have to hop in and stand all throughout the drive. So we weren't left with any choice and hopped in, first it was me and Ivy, and motherfuckingshit, I've never experienced something that disastrous in my eighteen years of existence. We were standing all throughout the ride, drenched in the rain with no hands to hold up an umbrella for us because we're pretty much using them to hold ourselves still as the cart moves/shakes/stumbles. We were on the verge of bawling our eyes our, while laughing hysterically and letting out occasional "ahh!"'s and "waaah!"'s. I seriously thought like I was going to die. ;____; Good thing though when it was all over, we were rewarded with amazing food from the party. Carmela was laughing at us because we came there drenched and haggard but hey, at least we came. xDDDDD Seriously, just recalling the events makes me want to fucking slit someone's throat. Ughhhhh. DDDDD8 Anyways, on a much lighter note; I ADOPTED URUHAAAAA!!! 8DDDDOkay, not literally, but there's this website called Squiby.net wherein you can adopt eggs and eventually they'll...err, grow. You'll have to click them once a day and each click corresponds to one point/level, and certain stages of its growth requires points to be attained. For instance, to be able to have a full grown Uruha, I'm gonna need to reach Level 151. So for now, here he is. 
Click Me!
Adopted from squibyI named him Shima-chan because he's technically a chibi!Uru. Isn't that the cutest thing? xDDDDD And I guess this update's been long enough. I should be preparing for school now, something I'm not really excited about. (>__>;) However, I'm pretty excited about doing groceries this afternoon. I've been wanting to make Chicken and Pork teriyaki but I just havent found time. Till now, that is. See you later, guysss. ♥ ♥ ♥ ラベル: fuckery fuck fuck, shit happens, skewwwl, this is srs bsns, uruduckie♥, useless worthless babblings
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CURRENT MOOD:  [ Listless ] CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: 十七歲 - the GazettE It's exactly 7:30 in the morning as I'm typing this, and in two hours, my brother Joachin will be boarding in a plane to Japan. God knows when I can see him again, though Anabelle gave me her email just so we could chat and such, but still... I was supposed to see him two nights ago, but things got complicated in both school and my health (been kinda sick recently, which explains my absence in all them f-list's comment boxes. LOL) so I wasn't able to. It's funny though, when he called me last night just to tell me that they were leaving (something I already know) and I asked him when will he coming back and he just put on a dead air and was like "Bye." then hanged up. o_____O; Seriously, he's just so cute sometimes. xDDD ....*sighs* But I guess it's better off this way. He have a far better future there than he'll ever have here anyway, and that gives us a reason to go there and visit him every once in a while, which is a good thing. I'm sad like crazy, but it's for his own good and I know just how happy he is to finally be living with his mom and there's no way any of us will even do something about it. It's just that...dad's taking it like a bitch, being all depressed, screaming and slamming doors at my face but hey, he'll get through it. Eventually. Hopefully... And in other news, I finally got to talk to my mom about Lilith's condition. Sad news is, she already gave her Toshiba to my sister-in-law (God knows just how she managed to snake it from my mom, but whatever) and although mom said she can always get it back, she said she'll prefer it much more if she'll just get me a new one. I'm still battling though if I'll get a Dell one with the same model (hopefully, just a weebit smaller size because Lilith is like, 15.4 inches and carrying her gets troublesome after a while.DDD;) or a Toshiba Satellite Pro...OR, if mom actually agrees, with a wee more prodding she just might get me a Mac. Hahahhaha! But that last one was pretty far fetched, so I guess I'll just have to settle with the first two options. =/ I know that you've been hearing nothing but rants from me, and I know it gets sickening after a while but things aren't just doing good for me recently. It's like, all the things that made me happy was pulled away from me, all at freakin' once and I hadn't even realized it until when I cried my heart out while talking to my mom the other day. Everybody knows I'm not in that good terms with my mom, at least not as good as seeing and talking to her could make me feel so relieved that I just started crying. For once I actually ached for the people I forgot I love and it's just....blah. Even my friends. I believe and could feel us falling out, for some weird reason. It might be because I dont really comment on people anymore (which is by the way, a shallow reason to have a fall out with friends) though I can't really blame them. I've been distant, and I've grown to not even give an effort to not let our friendship wither away. The person who's making drawing herself away was me. The one who widen the gap between us, was still, me.ラベル: fuckery fuck fuck, shit happens
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CURRENT MOOD:  [ Anxious ] CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: 十七歳 - the GazettE Hoooo ha! ^^ Okay, way to start an update. Hummm. Oh well. Good Morning. ♥ School has started, and it was decent so far. I like all of my professors. Young and fresh, and interesting enough, me thinks. I'm just a little disappointed that my Lit teacher's not as wordy and poetic as I expected, and I think it's actually safe to say that I have a far more vast vocabulary than her *lol gets bricked* but she's not entirely bad. *shrugs* And uh, I wanted to apologize about that rather morose, comment-locked update the other day. Everything just seemed really heavy for me for the past few days; my brother leaving, Lilith's condition worsening (she actually have two, severely-annoying vertical lines now. DD:) and just...things, really. I used to just laze around the house and try my best to stretch my away-from-the-school moments but for some reason I've been spending lots of times away from home. I'm either wandering around the mall or pestering Rachel's house. I couldn't really point it out, there's just something about being home that makes me royally ticked off. And yes, I did cut my hair this short. It was pretty before, but far too normal for my taste so I chopped the front off, but didn't touch the back part so it'll look like a mullet. Like, a really weird, really short mullet. I'm trying my very best to see this on the bright side, really. My brother leaving gives me a better chance of being in Japan, and mom just might give me a new laptop or we can just trade (She has Toshiba, which is pretty cool too) and I can just avoid all the fuckery at home by being at school. I guess I'll just have sit still and be strong till my streak of luck comes back, eh. In other news, my birthday is in two months! *wejfjsdcbclapsclaps* I can only ask for three things; Lilith to get better, a paid account, and DIM. ;____; I don't really know what I could do to get myself a paid account, I think the only way to get it was to have a credit card that I could use but since my sister wont really let me use her friend's card anymore then I guess I'll just have to think of other ways. =/ It's pretty guaranteed to that Lilith will get better, I just want it to be as soon as possible since I'll be needing her for this semester and as for DIM...*sighs* I don't know, really. I'm pretty broke right now and even if I have enough money I wont be able to buy one unless I own a credit card. I really want it, and yes it could be just as easy as a phonecall for Anabelle and ask her to buy it for me but I dont think dad will even let me get to her. DDDD: Ahh, life sucks. And...I'm late. LOL I'll get back to you guys later, ne? ^^ P.S//I bought a stuffed toy yesterday. And well, I'm not really the stuffed toy kind of person but uh,  I don't know about you guys but he totally reminded me of this really cute, really squishy vocalist. xDDDD When I saw it I was like :"ekjfhwjhegdjhewdRUKICOOKIE!" and bought it eventhough it's too damn pricey for a second-hand plushie. I just couldn't resist it and and and *insert more keyboard rape hurrr* P.P.S//Changed my background music to Juunana Sai by the GazettE. ♥ I honestly adore Without A Trace, but I think this song fits my current state. Except that I'm not seventeen. And I'm not pregnant. And I'm not in Tokyo. It's just that the lyrics were as miserable as my heart. Hahaha! And oh, if you feel like digging deeper into the song, here's the translation. It's really pretty. Makes me bawwww all the time. xDDDD ラベル: camwhoring, fangirlism is the best ism evarrr, fuckery fuck fuck, rukicookiee♥, shit happens, sounds like a plan ehh, useless worthless babblings
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CURRENT MOOD :  [ Examinate ] CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Circus - Britney Spears I had a pretty interesting talk with my dad the other day. The moment he called for me and asked me to sit with him while he's having breakfast, I already knew something big was up. And just when I thought Joachin moving to Japan on the 21st (for good, meaning less chance for us of seeing him again. Or at least, it wont be as frequent and as easy as it used to be) was the biggest, and probably most depressing news I'd get this week. Apparently, I was wrong. He asked me to sit with him only to tell me that he thinks I have manic-depressive disorder. In normal people's terms, bipolar. My first reaction was, of course, a laugh. A loud, sarcastic, that-is-the-silliest-thing-i've-ever-heard kind of laugh. I couldn't help it because indeed, it was quite silly and I immediately demanded an explanation. And usually when explanations are laid on the table, enlightenment will follow but it was soo not the case that day. Apparently, he got into that conclusion by observing my sleeping and eating patterns, so as how I've been handling things at both home and school. He even told me the incident that triggered the thought; it was about last week when my brother went over for lunch and seeing as my dad was busy as hell I did the honor to prepare the meal. And my brother, being a taunting, ungrateful turd that he is, started insulting the food I prepared. And I know he was half joking, but I got pissed off nonetheless and threw his plate, telling him to fuck off and eat somewhere else. My brother, being all used to how I am, took it as a laughing matter but my dad, sadly took it all as srs bsns. O___O After that, he told me that he started observing me; the way I get all hyper one day and wake up as early as 6 in the morning just to nag him about what lunch will be and how there were also days when I'd stay in bed till 2 in the afternoon were a little too fishy for normal (it was insane how dad still clings into that tiny glint, almost-nonexistent hope that I am normal). Also when I lost my tummy meds just the day before that, he claimed to see me rummaging all over my things like a wild bunnie only to tuck my knees and sandwich my head between my fists when I couldn't find it. Actually, I remember him yelling at me that day, making a huge fuzz about my actions, but I was just like "But that's how I think." o___O; And it's true, whenever I'm confused I'd sit down and concentrate. Why he's bitching about something that had been considered normal for me, that I dont know. I asked him if he knows what manic-depressive means and of course, an insufferable know-it-all like himself would never dare admit he doesn't. And although what he said kind of made sense, it was still implausible in the way that manic depressive can only be diagnosed or concluded basing on the person's natural behavior. And the last time I checked, I've been this way eversince I can remember, and it's either this is the normal me, or I've been suffering from MDD my whole life, which is pretty much unlikely. I even explained to him the whole concept of the disorder and even sighted some examples. But of course, mighty ol' dad being his usual self will never admit that a psych major knows alot more of the condition than him, thus resorting to just yelling at me and threatening me to send me to a shrink. Seriously, I have the weirdest dad ever. (.____.) Anyways, besides that nothing really happened. Well, of course dad wont still get off my back and I can soo feel him observing me every damn time, which is funny. What I think is that he's using me as displacement object because he, himself is severely depressed that Joachin is leaving. After all, we all are. I am happy for him, he'll be with his mom like he always dreamed of but for some reason, when dad broke the news it felt alot heavier than I thought it would. I guess it'll just take some time to get used to being the youngest in the family again. Not that he's completely vanishing anyway, but with how dad's been acting (he refused Joachin's request of staying over this week, for the last time) I think he's completely giving him away. It was painful to watch, actually. *sighs* And uh, I honestly don't know how to end this entry. *scratches head* ラベル: fuckery fuck fuck, lolwhuuut, shit happens, this is srs bsns, useless worthless babblings
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CURRENT MOOD:  [ Confused o.O ] CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: 粉雪 - レミオロメン I just had the weirdest gaze dream ever. o____O; I was rushing in some kind of hall with a friend (whom, after waking up, I realized that I didn't know nor have met before) and she was literally dragging my ass to go faster because the Gazette's performing. So having been told, I tried my best to reach the place as fast as I could and when we got there, there's this massive stage, with fireworks and everything and when Gaze finally came into view, I heard Ruki announcing that they'll be performing their newest single off of DIM as an opening act. And then it happened, Ruki straightened his hand, his palm facing the audience, while Reita, Uruha, Aoi and Kai emerged from the thick fog at the back of the stage, throwing these weird, awkwardly arrogant nods are each other and started.... dancing. o.O I knew it! I sooo knew it there was something fishy about it because I remember whispering to my friend something like "Where are their intruments?" and just...damn it. And what's worst is that Ruki and Uruha looked like they're soo into dancing and was totally working it. I swear to God I was soo shocked I can't even remember how it ended. I just woke up with this perplexed feeling coursing through my body. Seriously, never once I doubted my own sanity, until now. *shakes head* Actually, alot of strange things have been happening to me lately, in my sleep especially. Just two nights ago, I had a dream of Ruki pulling me in some dark room and when he opened the lights, there's this really huge (probably almost just as big as he is) cookie jar in the middle of the room and he was like "Hey! Don't just stand there! What the hell are you waiting for?!" then he rushed to the jar and dipped his hands to get himself some cookies. I just stood there and for some reason I started crying and that's pretty much how it ended. And I've been feeling myself get up in the middle of the night as well. I couldn't quite remember what I did but I did felt getting up. And just this morning too, I was so certain that I shut Lilith down before sleeping but for some reason when I woke up, she's on standbye. Seriously, I might just need to cuff myself. And no, it wont be a dirty as you all thought it would! *shifty eyes* Anyways, a new post! (Why yes, I'm just getting started.)I know some of you are asking why I haven't been posting, despite you guys seeing me online almost every damn day. The truth is, I've been trying to write, be it in a fic or just occasional letters for friends, updates, commenting on other people's journals...everything. I've been trying to be the friend you're all expecting me to be, but for some reason, for the past few days I've been feeling kind of...odd. Odd, in the sense that I haven't been feeling right talking to people. I haven't talked to Caitlin for two weeks, which is strange in every sense of the word since we always talk, but whenever I'd open my MSN and listen to people talk, I find myself being easily, royally ticked off. Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's about people in general, really. It's more of like a personal issue. I've always been the type who likes people getting attached to her, but doesn't fancy her being attached to people. I draw myself back before everything gets serious, before I start caring. And I care for all of my friends, I really do. But sometimes I couldn't help but question myself of what we have, exactly. Taken for instance, I have a friend whom I've been friends with for five years. We've gone through rough roads, fell apart and sewn each other back again and so on. And it's just...I dont know. It just hurts to think that one day, you're inseparable then the next you're treating each other like strangers. And what's worst is that I feel like for us to break this icy feeling, I should be the one who'd stretch a hand and reach out because I believe there's no way she would do it herself. Then again, my question is, what am I to you, really?.....*sighs* This update isn't supposed to end this way but I guess I'll just write again later. See ya, bitches. ♥ ラベル: fuckery fuck fuck, gazerock is hardcore love, lolwhuuut, sad horny dreams are sad and horny, shit happens, this is srs bsns, useless worthless babblings
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CURRENT MOOD:  [ Dorky ] CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: 紅蓮 - the GazettE Why hello there, ladies and gents. ^^ I was supposed, and pretty much intended to post something yesterday but it seems like my writing mojo went of some vacation of sorts, and I couldn't seem to pour in the right words. Not like I ever wrote anything 'right' in any of my entries anyway, but you get the idea. *nods* But I think I'm okay now. I bet the horrible headache from yesterday was the major reason behind it. If it's because of the dry weather or my contacts screwing up with my head, I can't really tell. I believe it'll take a while for me to get used to wearing contacts for 10 hours or so every day, pretty much I'm gonna have to endure it until then. Anyways, Nothing really happened yesterday, except that Rachel and I went out to register (for voting next year) and well, some peculiar things happened. One of which is how I tried my best to endure the perplexed stares of people around me, not only because I'm wearing a rather surprising pair of contacts but because it's rare for people to see me wearing a skirt. And although I detest how they acted all ignorant around me (for fuck's sake, I am soo not the only person who wore a skirt on that day! DDD8), I guess it was also partly my fault. The skirt was about 4 inches ABOVE my knee, which is pretty vulgar on that sense alone, plus it didn't also help that I have really long legs and well, I guess they were intrigued. *shrugs* Me and Rach weren't at all lucky enough to meet nice people on that day either. To cut the long rant short, people at COMELEC were acting like grumpy bitches who desperately need a lay. Well, not at first though, since when we got there they were pretty much chattering gleefully at each other and the only time things got a little awkward was when we went up to them to ask something, and some old, fugly lady answered me in a rather sarcastic way that neither Rachel nor I fancied. Normally, or rather when I'm on a good mood, I'd just smile kindly and curse them mercilessly under my breath but since it had been a bitching day to start with, I pretty much involved myself in a glaring contest with everyone in the office. When they all laughed at the fugly lady's not-so-funny remark, I found averting my gaze at Rachel and coincidentally she turned to me as well, and I can soo recall how I prayed for all saints and deities around me to give me strength not to trample the bitch as I did. But sadly, God sent only a handful on my way, but they were enough to not let sharp words roll over my tongue, at least. I just huffed tiredly and glared, and thankfully though it had been enough for them since they went quiet all of the freakin' sudden, and finally went on to entertaining our questions just like how they're fucking paid for. Everything went smooth till then and although I could still catch a few stolen glances and murmurs I didn't bother with it anymore. They're all grown ups, hence I expected them to act like one but obviously they didn't. I had to put them in their place and have them know that there's noo way they could mess with a girl with green eyes and blood red hair and get fucking away with it. Seriouslyyyy. (.___. ) *sighs* But like I said, I'm okay now. I dont usually get ticked off over trivial things like that, but a part of me ached to do something about it. I'm pretty much that type of person; if someone's really nice to me, I'd give them a piece of my nice and sweet self, but if they start bitching and acting like a total a-hole around me, I'd be more than glad to show them my vilest, meanest, most evil side. In my world, people get what they deserve. *nods* Oh well, IN OTHER NEWSI had a pretty slamming day. ^^ I met up with Rachel again, since I've been wanting to see her "new look". And sadly, I think I'm not allowed to go down on details with regards to that, since I'm pretty sure she'll skin me alive if I dare mention that she had some dentist appointment mishap and now her three front teeth's screwed up which makes her look like Chuckie's bride and--OH SHIT! YOU TRICKED MEE!!! DDD8 ....Lol. And I guess that's it. xDDDD I seriously need to pee right now since I've been drinking iced tea all day that it makes me wiss like I'm nursing some goddamn aquarium inside my gull bladder. And I've been holding it in all the while that I've been writing this and I seriously need to-- Okay, wait. One last thing!  Why, yesh. That is indeed Duck-chan, slutting it up duckie-style in a pose. ♥ I think I'm gonna fanmail this picture to both Byou and Uruha, just so they'd be informed that I can actually pull off a better duck pose than both of them combined. HAH! /fail. *gets shot* ラベル: being a happy twat, byou is a ho♥, fuckery fuck fuck, hah bloody hah, i bitch, maaad duckie, raggeeee, this is srs bsns, uruduckie♥, useless worthless babblings
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Memes, anyone?
Start off with your name.
-- God. But you can totally call me Gracie.
What is your relationship status?
-- Married. With three kids. Okay, you know that last one was a lie.
Where was the very last place you went besides your house?
-- To the clinic for my contacts.
Do you think the last person you kissed is nice?
-- No. Not nice at all. *pouts adorably*
Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with an Z?
-- Uh, no.
Do you believe your ex thinks about you?
-- I bet he still does.
Do you have a secret that you've never told anyone?
-- I actually haven't told anyone that I STILL sekritly listen to Britney Spears and---oh fuuck, you tricked me! DDDD8
The last person you kissed needs you at 3 AM, would you help them?
-- Probably.
Last thing you did before bed last night?
- Rummaged through my stuffs. I was trying to find my card reader.
Do you get mad easily?
-- I actually kinda do.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
-- I want to be a mad doctor. Or a teacher, if I feel like corrupting people's heads in a much younger age range.
Do you think somebody likes the same person you do?
-- Hah. That person loves me though.
Has anyone ever told you they want to spend the rest of their life with you?
-- A handful of people. Like they'll keep the promise anyway. *shrugs*
Do you care if people hate you for no reason?
-- Actually, I do. When someone has some beef with me I'd pretty much want to know the reason behind it because irrational hate is just...pretty redundant. And stupid. And most likely translates to this one, verrry familiar word called INSECURITY.
Have you recently talked to someone when they were high?
-- High on what, exactly?
Are you happy?
-- Oh you have no idea. 8DDDD
Last night did you go to bed smiling?
-- Not really. I was feeling unusually anxious.
Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
-- Chilly weather's always the best.
What do you currently hear right now?
-- Myself LOLing over the grammar fail of this very question.
When was the last time you had a REAL smile on your face?
-- I think it was yesterday, when I get to finally see how minty my eyes look like. It makes me feel....superhero-ish.
Do you like getting big hugs?
-- Depends on who's hugging me.
Is tomorrow looking good?
-- HOPEFULLY.
What color are your eyes?
-- Originally it looks like tea but right now it looks like unripened pus. Like, the one that comes out of guys' penises when they have gonorrhea? Yeah, that.
Have you ever given up on someone, but then went back to them later?
-- Isn't taking garbage back in the house sort of retarded?
Have you ever thrown your cell phone in anger?
-- I would never, EVER, do that to Bullets.
Do you hate the last person you kissed?
-- In some ways, yes.
Do you want to see someone right now?
-- Omg you have no idea. ;A;
What were you doing last night at 11?
-- Watching something online. I think it was Superbad...?
Are you in a good mood?
-- Despite my moodswing-ridden days, I'm surprisingly feeling awesome. ^^
Has anyone told you a secret lately that you aren't allowed to tell anyone?
-- What, the fact that Rachel wants to ride Kai sooo bad? Hell no, I will not dare tell that to anyone!
Is there something you wish you could tell someone but can't?
-- Ahh, bull's eye. *runs of out witty things to say*
Honestly if you could go back 9 months and change something, would you?
-- I would've done better at school, but I dont think it actually matter anymore. *shrugs*
Are you wearing any clothes that don't belong to you?
-- Lol of course. I'm pretty fond of shopping at my sister's closet.
Do you have a lot on your mind at the moment?
-- I'm actually unusually blank at the moment.
How do you handle stress?
-- I binge.
I seriously want to post something sensible but right now my head feels like they've been vulcanized. I'm feeling uncomfortably light-headed. DDD8 Later, bbs. ♥ ラベル: bawwww, fuckery fuck fuck, memetiemzzz, this is srs bsns, useless worthless babblings
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CURRENT MOOD:  [ Grumpy ] CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Headache Man - the GazettE I know that this blog had delivered nothing but nonsensical, rant-infested posts for the past few days. And trust me, I hate it. Hate hearing myself bitch over the simplest things, and as much as I want my last rant to be the last, I can't help it. Everybody needs to get it over with this bullshit and yes, normally I wouldn't stereotype myself as "everybody" but I guess in this case I could pass. Because I'm just as pissed off as everyone who've ever heard of this crap. This will be a short one, I promise. (but don't hold onto that, you know me. *shrugs*)Anyways, I think everybody have heard of that Katrina Halili scandal? Well, normally I'm one of those very few who wouldn't give a ratshit, pretty much because sex videos aren't really a new thing nowadays. But when this whole hype had started flowing almost every fucking where, I couldn't resist the curiosity building up inside me. So I tuned in into the news, something I don't normally do, and waited for bits and updates over the issue. I was intrigued at first at how this issue had reached the supreme court. Lately I've been seeing newsclips of senators raging over the issue, babbling away with nonsensical claims, silently screaming that the senate should fuzz over this tiny issue more than they should in, I dont know, heavier issues that actually concern the whole citizenship of this country. True, there were laws that condemn such act and when an issue goes through the extent of breaching laws, then it should be srs bsns, that I understand. But what I don't fucking get is why's everyone all over this bullshit? Sure, I should never be the one to talk since I know barely of the damn issue except that boy fucks girl, boy tapes it and for some inane reason it spread like wildfire across the intarwebs. Musing over that, I've decided to dig deeper into the issue. Hence, I tried searching for the actual sex video online. And, god. I don't even know how to explain this. Pretty much, it was the most disappointing sex video I've ever seen in my entire life. The whole clip was about forty three minutes long, and for the first 10-20 minutes it had been nothing but still shot of the bed and the guy fidgeting all over the place. Then girl comes in, started with fondling and err..something else that I shouldn't elaborate (for the sake of keeping this blog PG-13. Sorry guys.) and pretty much after that the real show when on. Now comes the cherry on top of this mediocrity, The guy fucking nutted in less than 10 minutes of the actual sex. Now, I was never really the porn-junkie type, but I am capable of telling whether a porn was a good porn or not. And it was bad, reaaally, reaaally bad to the point that even a flailing virgin like myself weren't stimulated in any way. I don't even know why I'm ranting over the actual video, but I was just really pissed. Pissed, because I get to finally see and realize that it wasn't just my irrational, contradictory self talking when I refused to even pay attention to this issue. It was because it's just...not freakin' worth it, you know? At first, I wasn't feeling bad for the girl. I was thinking that she just got what she deserves; for hooking up with a not-so-single jerk, for being careless and letting her guard down, for being stupid most of fucking all. But now I just feel really sorry for the her. I mean, if I was in her place (let's say jerk Tora taped me in such fashion. *coughs*) I would've just shrugged it off and tell people to fuck off because I had my fuck of the century. Scandalous much, but it was worth riding Tora, you know? But sadly, the sex was dissatisfying. And I can almost see where she's coming from and why she's bawling infront of the senate. The girl's sexually frustrated as fuck. *shrugs* I don't watch television, plainly because I see it as a huge downer pill. I hate how just tuning into a five-minute newsbreak could already sour up my whole day. I hate how mundane, afternoon telenovelas get away with their superficial, moral-induced facade when clearly, if you'd only dig deeper into their plots and characterizations, all you'll ever see are flaws. And I hate how everyone swoons over it, patronizes it even, obliviously being lulled by the fake images that the television had been feeding them. And I've always been glad that I'm not part of the hype, because it may be an important medium of communication, entertainment and social awareness to others, but to me it's pretty much the most vile, manipulative human invention to have ever exist. And just like in the scandal's case, it was oversensationalized by the media but thinking about it, there were other less fortunate girls who've been a victim of these crimes. Girls that deserve our sympathy more any actress, and the only reason why their cases were pushed in the backseat was because they're just normal people, with normal lives that if shattered, nobody would even give a ratshit about. And it was unfair in more ways than one, because I think people should be more concerned of the issue itself, rather than the people involved in the issue. I just hate how the media's turning people into tragedy-starved lunatics. *sighs* ANYWAYSSSSS,For a much lighter, less-srs bsns news, this awesome graphic maker hachi_707 of livejournal made another batch of awesum Gaze wallies and icons! Yayzz! I'm currently using, pretty much her cutest creation so far;  Teehee. ♥ I hate how simple things like these could turn me into a mindless, giggling idiot. xDDDD And uh, I got to go. Enrollment day. *cringes* I'll get back to you guys after I deal with my school crap, and spam you more with awesome posts. Oh you know I'm good at it. Admit it! *pokes your side* See ya later, fuckwits. You guys mean alot to me. ♥ ラベル: bawwww, fangirlism is the best ism evarrr, fuckery fuck fuck, gazerock is hardcore love, i bitch, lolwhuuut, omgyayzzz, raggeeee, this is srs bsns, useless worthless babblings, wtf
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OH MY GODD YOU GAIZ! *CRIEZ*I just woke up from a terrible, terrible nightmare about Uruha and HE WAS FORCING ME TO SUCK COCK. ;_____________;Serious-fucking-ly.I...I don't know how am I supposed to fucking react. It was strange, and icky, and vivid and detailed and jhfwysjhfjajd,j!!!! It was like I was lying in some random sofa and he was towering over me, talking gibberish for which I can't quite remember now but it felt like he was talking me into it. And then after a while he just climbed up to me, straddled my chest and then... AND THEN IT HAPPENED! *Q* I swear to God I feel so violated right now. (/)_(\) He was my current desktop wallpaper and I can't even fucking look at him without having unstoppable recollections about that stupid dream. I know, just a dream but seriously, what the fuck? I don't really think I've ever imagined him in such a way, not him nor anyone in the band. Not even Ruki from which you guys all know I'm a total slut for and it's just sooo weird. And when I woke up, I felt....strange. Like my stomach's flipping and already on a verge of an... OF AN EXPLOSION! But a good one and yes I do admit it felt good. >//////////////< ...*sighs* Why excuse me while I go cry in some corner now. ラベル: fuckery fuck fuck, sad horny dreams are sad and horny, uruduckie♥, wtf
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Ahh, the meme I promised since I can't really think of anything else to write. Sadly, I still can't find appropriate pictures for star_jrock's meme but Kaliababy I will tryyyy! ♥ But for now, here's a meme chirorichan tagged me with. Ten things that I wish I could say to ten different people right now:
Ø1. I don't know why but of all the people who've thrown me shit, you're pretty much my biggest disappointment. If it's because I actually tried to be there for you only for my advices to be ignored or shrugged off, or that I actually love you way too much to stand seeing you break down infront of me. You were right, maybe we shouldn't be friends. We're far too different, weren't we? You're too careless, I'm too calculating. I always think, you almost dont and surely I can list out all the things where you and I differ, but I think the fact that you're one of the few friends I actually treasured beats them all and I don't know if I should be happy or sad about it.
And now you're lonely. So damn lonely that I can freakin' sense it till up here. But I'm not gonna do something about it. You should do something about it. Stop depending on people to make your life easier because that's your job.
Ø2. Sometimes, you make me wish we're not related by blood.
Ø3. Anger management, bitch. You need one.
Ø4. I don't know what happened to you, either. We used to be really good friends but lately you've always been aggressive towards everything I say. It feels like every talk is an argument with you and I don't know if I was starting to seem like a walking contradiction for you or you're just trying wayy too hard to prove something as if it gets you fucking off or something. FR-FCKNG-SRS.
Ø5. You seem to have developed a habit of making me wonder if you care about me as much as I care about you. No, really. Sometimes you make me wonder if I really am straight. o____O;
Ø6. You're actually pretty likable when you're not insecure.
Ø7. Thank you so much for everything. You've always been so kind to me and I'm glad that I met you.
Ø8. I'm sorry that I'm giving up on you. I'm sorry that the last time we talked will surely be the last time. I'm sorry but this just isn't going to work.
Ø9. It had been a while. How's touring around the world? Not that I still care but...
1Ø. I think there is a chance that I kind of--sort of, quite possibly, might be inlove with you. And I know you probably know that, but uh...yeah. I just feel like saying. o___O;
Nine things about myself:
Ø1. I don't think when I act.
Ø2. My days consist of 2% worrying and 98% daydreaming.
Ø3. I'm a picky eater.
Ø4. I have a bad sense of style.
Ø5. Watching television depresses me.
Ø6. I'm never really going to be pretty enough in my own eyes.
Ø7. I have an obsessive/addictive personality and I believe flailing over jrockers could never justify that. Maybe if I'd tell you how my dad has to hide all of our cough syrup back when I was six just so I wouldn't drink it all by myself? Or that I've taken two pills of Tegretol just for the fucking fun of it? For me it doesn't really sound as serious as it may seem since I'm getting by, but...I dont know. I think my main problem was, once I've started I couldn't stop. *shrugs*
Ø8. Despite all that, I'm always, naturally happy. ^^
Ø9. I've fallen inlove with men I am yet to meet.
Eight ways to win my heart:
Ø1. Take me to new places.
Ø2. Teach me things I'm never gonna learn from somebody else.
Ø3. Be totally, TOTALLY hot. xDDDDD
Ø4. Musically-inclined.
Ø5. Smart. Someone who could make me sigh to myself, not the other way around.
Ø6. Gentle.
Ø7. Warm.
Ø8. Unattached. Because I want you all for myself.
Seven things that cross my mind a lot:
Ø1. the Gazette.
Ø2. Sex.
Ø3. My stories.
Ø4. Death.
Ø5. Poverty.
Ø6. What Philippines had become.
Ø7. Random things.
Six things I do before I fall asleep: I don't really have sleeping routines.
Five people who mean a lot:
Ø1. Dad.
Ø2. Mom.
Ø3. Best friend.
Ø4. My pet(s).
Ø5. .......
Four things I'm wearing right now:
Ø1. brown tank top.
Ø2. Pajamas.
Ø3. Red socks.
Ø4. ....Nothing else. xDDD
Three songs I listen often to:
Ø1. Do me more - Namie Amuro ( lol w-addams13 , I don't know if I'd love you or hate you for introducing me to this song. This isn't my type of music but duuude, the pole-dancing unicorns got me. Hahahha!)
Ø2. Mugen No Hana -alice nine.
Ø3. Guren - the GazettE
Two things I want to do before I die:
Ø1. Travel the world.
Ø2. Outgrow my fears.
One confession:
I only watch gay porn. YAY FOR TWIN DONGS! ...*grins* Sorry if there's too much rage in some of the answers. I has ange issues. 8DDD ...No, really. (>_____>;) ラベル: bawwww, capslock lol, fuckery fuck fuck, ily, maaad duckie, memetiemzzz, raggeeee, useless worthless babblings
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CURRENT MOOD: [ Crazy, ehh? Like that's changed. LOL ] CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: OGRE - the GazettE Goodmorning, bbs. ♥ I've come to notice that I haven't told you guys about what happened at my friend Carmela's birthday party, yes? Well, the event itself isn't very...eventful, but what we all went through just by going to the party is pretty much an interesting, new experience, per se. To cut the plausibly long ass, tragic story short; it was a chain of seemingly unending unfortunate events. First, we were dismissed earlier on the seminar, which supposedly is a good thing but at the same time, it made us all agree into the idea of going to my other friend Emiline's house to doll up, which is pretty much the root of all them tragic events that occurred that day. We were dismissed at two in the afternoon, went to Em's house, prepped for the party till five then it started raining. It was faintly a drizzle at first, something we didn't really consider threatening but after a few more minutes it started to pour down really hard. And since we all have our own umbrellas anyway (well, maybe except for miss careless right here. *points*) we still didn't quite see it bothering. But apparently, and very obviously, we were wrong. When we got out of Em's house, it was pouring down even harder, which kinda made us all pouty because some of us, if not all, were wearing heels which would be totally ruined because of the rain. But Emiline promised us she'll get us a tricycle so it wasn't really a big deal now, was it? So we waited for that tricycle she promised, most of us getting impatient after a few more minutes till this one tricycle driver went up to us and said that the tricycle that was supposed to fetch us from Em's house couldn't pass through anymore because of the flood. Yes, flood. Leg-freakin' high of dirty ass water from ditches and drainage and sewage filling the roads. We were all on the verge of tearing up because we practically wasted 4 hours over make-up and hair, only to find out that we wont be able to attend the party at all. But seriously, it gets better. And no, I haven't even got to the best part. Not even close.Emiline, feeling remotely responsible, assured us that she'll get someone to fetch us still and that there's still a way out of it. Perplexed, but we trusted her anyways because we can't really do anything about it. But what I didn't know is that the thing she said that was going to fetch us will be a cart. Yes, a cart slash motorcycle with no roofs, no seats and to be able to ride it you're gonna have to hop in and stand all throughout the drive. So we weren't left with any choice and hopped in, first it was me and Ivy, and motherfuckingshit, I've never experienced something that disastrous in my eighteen years of existence. We were standing all throughout the ride, drenched in the rain with no hands to hold up an umbrella for us because we're pretty much using them to hold ourselves still as the cart moves/shakes/stumbles. We were on the verge of bawling our eyes our, while laughing hysterically and letting out occasional "ahh!"'s and "waaah!"'s. I seriously thought like I was going to die. ;____; Good thing though when it was all over, we were rewarded with amazing food from the party. Carmela was laughing at us because we came there drenched and haggard but hey, at least we came. xDDDDD Seriously, just recalling the events makes me want to fucking slit someone's throat. Ughhhhh. DDDDD8 Anyways, on a much lighter note; I ADOPTED URUHAAAAA!!! 8DDDDOkay, not literally, but there's this website called Squiby.net wherein you can adopt eggs and eventually they'll...err, grow. You'll have to click them once a day and each click corresponds to one point/level, and certain stages of its growth requires points to be attained. For instance, to be able to have a full grown Uruha, I'm gonna need to reach Level 151. So for now, here he is.
Click Me!
Adopted from squibyI named him Shima-chan because he's technically a chibi!Uru. Isn't that the cutest thing? xDDDDD And I guess this update's been long enough. I should be preparing for school now, something I'm not really excited about. (>__>;) However, I'm pretty excited about doing groceries this afternoon. I've been wanting to make Chicken and Pork teriyaki but I just havent found time. Till now, that is. See you later, guysss. ♥ ♥ ♥ ラベル: fuckery fuck fuck, shit happens, skewwwl, this is srs bsns, uruduckie♥, useless worthless babblings
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CURRENT MOOD: [ Listless ] CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: 十七歲 - the GazettE It's exactly 7:30 in the morning as I'm typing this, and in two hours, my brother Joachin will be boarding in a plane to Japan. God knows when I can see him again, though Anabelle gave me her email just so we could chat and such, but still... I was supposed to see him two nights ago, but things got complicated in both school and my health (been kinda sick recently, which explains my absence in all them f-list's comment boxes. LOL) so I wasn't able to. It's funny though, when he called me last night just to tell me that they were leaving (something I already know) and I asked him when will he coming back and he just put on a dead air and was like "Bye." then hanged up. o_____O; Seriously, he's just so cute sometimes. xDDD ....*sighs* But I guess it's better off this way. He have a far better future there than he'll ever have here anyway, and that gives us a reason to go there and visit him every once in a while, which is a good thing. I'm sad like crazy, but it's for his own good and I know just how happy he is to finally be living with his mom and there's no way any of us will even do something about it. It's just that...dad's taking it like a bitch, being all depressed, screaming and slamming doors at my face but hey, he'll get through it. Eventually. Hopefully... And in other news, I finally got to talk to my mom about Lilith's condition. Sad news is, she already gave her Toshiba to my sister-in-law (God knows just how she managed to snake it from my mom, but whatever) and although mom said she can always get it back, she said she'll prefer it much more if she'll just get me a new one. I'm still battling though if I'll get a Dell one with the same model (hopefully, just a weebit smaller size because Lilith is like, 15.4 inches and carrying her gets troublesome after a while.DDD;) or a Toshiba Satellite Pro...OR, if mom actually agrees, with a wee more prodding she just might get me a Mac. Hahahhaha! But that last one was pretty far fetched, so I guess I'll just have to settle with the first two options. =/ I know that you've been hearing nothing but rants from me, and I know it gets sickening after a while but things aren't just doing good for me recently. It's like, all the things that made me happy was pulled away from me, all at freakin' once and I hadn't even realized it until when I cried my heart out while talking to my mom the other day. Everybody knows I'm not in that good terms with my mom, at least not as good as seeing and talking to her could make me feel so relieved that I just started crying. For once I actually ached for the people I forgot I love and it's just....blah. Even my friends. I believe and could feel us falling out, for some weird reason. It might be because I dont really comment on people anymore (which is by the way, a shallow reason to have a fall out with friends) though I can't really blame them. I've been distant, and I've grown to not even give an effort to not let our friendship wither away. The person who's making drawing herself away was me. The one who widen the gap between us, was still, me.ラベル: fuckery fuck fuck, shit happens
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CURRENT MOOD: [ Anxious ] CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: 十七歳 - the GazettE Hoooo ha! ^^ Okay, way to start an update. Hummm. Oh well. Good Morning. ♥ School has started, and it was decent so far. I like all of my professors. Young and fresh, and interesting enough, me thinks. I'm just a little disappointed that my Lit teacher's not as wordy and poetic as I expected, and I think it's actually safe to say that I have a far more vast vocabulary than her *lol gets bricked* but she's not entirely bad. *shrugs* And uh, I wanted to apologize about that rather morose, comment-locked update the other day. Everything just seemed really heavy for me for the past few days; my brother leaving, Lilith's condition worsening (she actually have two, severely-annoying vertical lines now. DD:) and just...things, really. I used to just laze around the house and try my best to stretch my away-from-the-school moments but for some reason I've been spending lots of times away from home. I'm either wandering around the mall or pestering Rachel's house. I couldn't really point it out, there's just something about being home that makes me royally ticked off. And yes, I did cut my hair this short. It was pretty before, but far too normal for my taste so I chopped the front off, but didn't touch the back part so it'll look like a mullet. Like, a really weird, really short mullet. I'm trying my very best to see this on the bright side, really. My brother leaving gives me a better chance of being in Japan, and mom just might give me a new laptop or we can just trade (She has Toshiba, which is pretty cool too) and I can just avoid all the fuckery at home by being at school. I guess I'll just have sit still and be strong till my streak of luck comes back, eh. In other news, my birthday is in two months! *wejfjsdcbclapsclaps* I can only ask for three things; Lilith to get better, a paid account, and DIM. ;____; I don't really know what I could do to get myself a paid account, I think the only way to get it was to have a credit card that I could use but since my sister wont really let me use her friend's card anymore then I guess I'll just have to think of other ways. =/ It's pretty guaranteed to that Lilith will get better, I just want it to be as soon as possible since I'll be needing her for this semester and as for DIM...*sighs* I don't know, really. I'm pretty broke right now and even if I have enough money I wont be able to buy one unless I own a credit card. I really want it, and yes it could be just as easy as a phonecall for Anabelle and ask her to buy it for me but I dont think dad will even let me get to her. DDDD: Ahh, life sucks. And...I'm late. LOL I'll get back to you guys later, ne? ^^ P.S//I bought a stuffed toy yesterday. And well, I'm not really the stuffed toy kind of person but uh, I don't know about you guys but he totally reminded me of this really cute, really squishy vocalist. xDDDD When I saw it I was like :"ekjfhwjhegdjhewdRUKICOOKIE!" and bought it eventhough it's too damn pricey for a second-hand plushie. I just couldn't resist it and and and *insert more keyboard rape hurrr* P.P.S//Changed my background music to Juunana Sai by the GazettE. ♥ I honestly adore Without A Trace, but I think this song fits my current state. Except that I'm not seventeen. And I'm not pregnant. And I'm not in Tokyo. It's just that the lyrics were as miserable as my heart. Hahaha! And oh, if you feel like digging deeper into the song, here's the translation. It's really pretty. Makes me bawwww all the time. xDDDD ラベル: camwhoring, fangirlism is the best ism evarrr, fuckery fuck fuck, rukicookiee♥, shit happens, sounds like a plan ehh, useless worthless babblings
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CURRENT MOOD : [ Examinate ] CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Circus - Britney Spears I had a pretty interesting talk with my dad the other day. The moment he called for me and asked me to sit with him while he's having breakfast, I already knew something big was up. And just when I thought Joachin moving to Japan on the 21st (for good, meaning less chance for us of seeing him again. Or at least, it wont be as frequent and as easy as it used to be) was the biggest, and probably most depressing news I'd get this week. Apparently, I was wrong. He asked me to sit with him only to tell me that he thinks I have manic-depressive disorder. In normal people's terms, bipolar. My first reaction was, of course, a laugh. A loud, sarcastic, that-is-the-silliest-thing-i've-ever-heard kind of laugh. I couldn't help it because indeed, it was quite silly and I immediately demanded an explanation. And usually when explanations are laid on the table, enlightenment will follow but it was soo not the case that day. Apparently, he got into that conclusion by observing my sleeping and eating patterns, so as how I've been handling things at both home and school. He even told me the incident that triggered the thought; it was about last week when my brother went over for lunch and seeing as my dad was busy as hell I did the honor to prepare the meal. And my brother, being a taunting, ungrateful turd that he is, started insulting the food I prepared. And I know he was half joking, but I got pissed off nonetheless and threw his plate, telling him to fuck off and eat somewhere else. My brother, being all used to how I am, took it as a laughing matter but my dad, sadly took it all as srs bsns. O___O After that, he told me that he started observing me; the way I get all hyper one day and wake up as early as 6 in the morning just to nag him about what lunch will be and how there were also days when I'd stay in bed till 2 in the afternoon were a little too fishy for normal (it was insane how dad still clings into that tiny glint, almost-nonexistent hope that I am normal). Also when I lost my tummy meds just the day before that, he claimed to see me rummaging all over my things like a wild bunnie only to tuck my knees and sandwich my head between my fists when I couldn't find it. Actually, I remember him yelling at me that day, making a huge fuzz about my actions, but I was just like "But that's how I think." o___O; And it's true, whenever I'm confused I'd sit down and concentrate. Why he's bitching about something that had been considered normal for me, that I dont know. I asked him if he knows what manic-depressive means and of course, an insufferable know-it-all like himself would never dare admit he doesn't. And although what he said kind of made sense, it was still implausible in the way that manic depressive can only be diagnosed or concluded basing on the person's natural behavior. And the last time I checked, I've been this way eversince I can remember, and it's either this is the normal me, or I've been suffering from MDD my whole life, which is pretty much unlikely. I even explained to him the whole concept of the disorder and even sighted some examples. But of course, mighty ol' dad being his usual self will never admit that a psych major knows alot more of the condition than him, thus resorting to just yelling at me and threatening me to send me to a shrink. Seriously, I have the weirdest dad ever. (.____.) Anyways, besides that nothing really happened. Well, of course dad wont still get off my back and I can soo feel him observing me every damn time, which is funny. What I think is that he's using me as displacement object because he, himself is severely depressed that Joachin is leaving. After all, we all are. I am happy for him, he'll be with his mom like he always dreamed of but for some reason, when dad broke the news it felt alot heavier than I thought it would. I guess it'll just take some time to get used to being the youngest in the family again. Not that he's completely vanishing anyway, but with how dad's been acting (he refused Joachin's request of staying over this week, for the last time) I think he's completely giving him away. It was painful to watch, actually. *sighs* And uh, I honestly don't know how to end this entry. *scratches head* ラベル: fuckery fuck fuck, lolwhuuut, shit happens, this is srs bsns, useless worthless babblings
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CURRENT MOOD: [ Confused o.O ] CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: 粉雪 - レミオロメン I just had the weirdest gaze dream ever. o____O; I was rushing in some kind of hall with a friend (whom, after waking up, I realized that I didn't know nor have met before) and she was literally dragging my ass to go faster because the Gazette's performing. So having been told, I tried my best to reach the place as fast as I could and when we got there, there's this massive stage, with fireworks and everything and when Gaze finally came into view, I heard Ruki announcing that they'll be performing their newest single off of DIM as an opening act. And then it happened, Ruki straightened his hand, his palm facing the audience, while Reita, Uruha, Aoi and Kai emerged from the thick fog at the back of the stage, throwing these weird, awkwardly arrogant nods are each other and started.... dancing. o.O I knew it! I sooo knew it there was something fishy about it because I remember whispering to my friend something like "Where are their intruments?" and just...damn it. And what's worst is that Ruki and Uruha looked like they're soo into dancing and was totally working it. I swear to God I was soo shocked I can't even remember how it ended. I just woke up with this perplexed feeling coursing through my body. Seriously, never once I doubted my own sanity, until now. *shakes head* Actually, alot of strange things have been happening to me lately, in my sleep especially. Just two nights ago, I had a dream of Ruki pulling me in some dark room and when he opened the lights, there's this really huge (probably almost just as big as he is) cookie jar in the middle of the room and he was like "Hey! Don't just stand there! What the hell are you waiting for?!" then he rushed to the jar and dipped his hands to get himself some cookies. I just stood there and for some reason I started crying and that's pretty much how it ended. And I've been feeling myself get up in the middle of the night as well. I couldn't quite remember what I did but I did felt getting up. And just this morning too, I was so certain that I shut Lilith down before sleeping but for some reason when I woke up, she's on standbye. Seriously, I might just need to cuff myself. And no, it wont be a dirty as you all thought it would! *shifty eyes* Anyways, a new post! (Why yes, I'm just getting started.)I know some of you are asking why I haven't been posting, despite you guys seeing me online almost every damn day. The truth is, I've been trying to write, be it in a fic or just occasional letters for friends, updates, commenting on other people's journals...everything. I've been trying to be the friend you're all expecting me to be, but for some reason, for the past few days I've been feeling kind of...odd. Odd, in the sense that I haven't been feeling right talking to people. I haven't talked to Caitlin for two weeks, which is strange in every sense of the word since we always talk, but whenever I'd open my MSN and listen to people talk, I find myself being easily, royally ticked off. Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's about people in general, really. It's more of like a personal issue. I've always been the type who likes people getting attached to her, but doesn't fancy her being attached to people. I draw myself back before everything gets serious, before I start caring. And I care for all of my friends, I really do. But sometimes I couldn't help but question myself of what we have, exactly. Taken for instance, I have a friend whom I've been friends with for five years. We've gone through rough roads, fell apart and sewn each other back again and so on. And it's just...I dont know. It just hurts to think that one day, you're inseparable then the next you're treating each other like strangers. And what's worst is that I feel like for us to break this icy feeling, I should be the one who'd stretch a hand and reach out because I believe there's no way she would do it herself. Then again, my question is, what am I to you, really?.....*sighs* This update isn't supposed to end this way but I guess I'll just write again later. See ya, bitches. ♥ ラベル: fuckery fuck fuck, gazerock is hardcore love, lolwhuuut, sad horny dreams are sad and horny, shit happens, this is srs bsns, useless worthless babblings
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CURRENT MOOD: [ Dorky ] CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: 紅蓮 - the GazettE Why hello there, ladies and gents. ^^ I was supposed, and pretty much intended to post something yesterday but it seems like my writing mojo went of some vacation of sorts, and I couldn't seem to pour in the right words. Not like I ever wrote anything 'right' in any of my entries anyway, but you get the idea. *nods* But I think I'm okay now. I bet the horrible headache from yesterday was the major reason behind it. If it's because of the dry weather or my contacts screwing up with my head, I can't really tell. I believe it'll take a while for me to get used to wearing contacts for 10 hours or so every day, pretty much I'm gonna have to endure it until then. Anyways, Nothing really happened yesterday, except that Rachel and I went out to register (for voting next year) and well, some peculiar things happened. One of which is how I tried my best to endure the perplexed stares of people around me, not only because I'm wearing a rather surprising pair of contacts but because it's rare for people to see me wearing a skirt. And although I detest how they acted all ignorant around me (for fuck's sake, I am soo not the only person who wore a skirt on that day! DDD8), I guess it was also partly my fault. The skirt was about 4 inches ABOVE my knee, which is pretty vulgar on that sense alone, plus it didn't also help that I have really long legs and well, I guess they were intrigued. *shrugs* Me and Rach weren't at all lucky enough to meet nice people on that day either. To cut the long rant short, people at COMELEC were acting like grumpy bitches who desperately need a lay. Well, not at first though, since when we got there they were pretty much chattering gleefully at each other and the only time things got a little awkward was when we went up to them to ask something, and some old, fugly lady answered me in a rather sarcastic way that neither Rachel nor I fancied. Normally, or rather when I'm on a good mood, I'd just smile kindly and curse them mercilessly under my breath but since it had been a bitching day to start with, I pretty much involved myself in a glaring contest with everyone in the office. When they all laughed at the fugly lady's not-so-funny remark, I found averting my gaze at Rachel and coincidentally she turned to me as well, and I can soo recall how I prayed for all saints and deities around me to give me strength not to trample the bitch as I did. But sadly, God sent only a handful on my way, but they were enough to not let sharp words roll over my tongue, at least. I just huffed tiredly and glared, and thankfully though it had been enough for them since they went quiet all of the freakin' sudden, and finally went on to entertaining our questions just like how they're fucking paid for. Everything went smooth till then and although I could still catch a few stolen glances and murmurs I didn't bother with it anymore. They're all grown ups, hence I expected them to act like one but obviously they didn't. I had to put them in their place and have them know that there's noo way they could mess with a girl with green eyes and blood red hair and get fucking away with it. Seriouslyyyy. (.___. ) *sighs* But like I said, I'm okay now. I dont usually get ticked off over trivial things like that, but a part of me ached to do something about it. I'm pretty much that type of person; if someone's really nice to me, I'd give them a piece of my nice and sweet self, but if they start bitching and acting like a total a-hole around me, I'd be more than glad to show them my vilest, meanest, most evil side. In my world, people get what they deserve. *nods* Oh well, IN OTHER NEWSI had a pretty slamming day. ^^ I met up with Rachel again, since I've been wanting to see her "new look". And sadly, I think I'm not allowed to go down on details with regards to that, since I'm pretty sure she'll skin me alive if I dare mention that she had some dentist appointment mishap and now her three front teeth's screwed up which makes her look like Chuckie's bride and--OH SHIT! YOU TRICKED MEE!!! DDD8 ....Lol. And I guess that's it. xDDDD I seriously need to pee right now since I've been drinking iced tea all day that it makes me wiss like I'm nursing some goddamn aquarium inside my gull bladder. And I've been holding it in all the while that I've been writing this and I seriously need to-- Okay, wait. One last thing! Why, yesh. That is indeed Duck-chan, slutting it up duckie-style in a pose. ♥ I think I'm gonna fanmail this picture to both Byou and Uruha, just so they'd be informed that I can actually pull off a better duck pose than both of them combined. HAH! /fail. *gets shot* ラベル: being a happy twat, byou is a ho♥, fuckery fuck fuck, hah bloody hah, i bitch, maaad duckie, raggeeee, this is srs bsns, uruduckie♥, useless worthless babblings
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Memes, anyone?
Start off with your name.
-- God. But you can totally call me Gracie.
What is your relationship status?
-- Married. With three kids. Okay, you know that last one was a lie.
Where was the very last place you went besides your house?
-- To the clinic for my contacts.
Do you think the last person you kissed is nice?
-- No. Not nice at all. *pouts adorably*
Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with an Z?
-- Uh, no.
Do you believe your ex thinks about you?
-- I bet he still does.
Do you have a secret that you've never told anyone?
-- I actually haven't told anyone that I STILL sekritly listen to Britney Spears and---oh fuuck, you tricked me! DDDD8
The last person you kissed needs you at 3 AM, would you help them?
-- Probably.
Last thing you did before bed last night?
- Rummaged through my stuffs. I was trying to find my card reader.
Do you get mad easily?
-- I actually kinda do.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
-- I want to be a mad doctor. Or a teacher, if I feel like corrupting people's heads in a much younger age range.
Do you think somebody likes the same person you do?
-- Hah. That person loves me though.
Has anyone ever told you they want to spend the rest of their life with you?
-- A handful of people. Like they'll keep the promise anyway. *shrugs*
Do you care if people hate you for no reason?
-- Actually, I do. When someone has some beef with me I'd pretty much want to know the reason behind it because irrational hate is just...pretty redundant. And stupid. And most likely translates to this one, verrry familiar word called INSECURITY.
Have you recently talked to someone when they were high?
-- High on what, exactly?
Are you happy?
-- Oh you have no idea. 8DDDD
Last night did you go to bed smiling?
-- Not really. I was feeling unusually anxious.
Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
-- Chilly weather's always the best.
What do you currently hear right now?
-- Myself LOLing over the grammar fail of this very question.
When was the last time you had a REAL smile on your face?
-- I think it was yesterday, when I get to finally see how minty my eyes look like. It makes me feel....superhero-ish.
Do you like getting big hugs?
-- Depends on who's hugging me.
Is tomorrow looking good?
-- HOPEFULLY.
What color are your eyes?
-- Originally it looks like tea but right now it looks like unripened pus. Like, the one that comes out of guys' penises when they have gonorrhea? Yeah, that.
Have you ever given up on someone, but then went back to them later?
-- Isn't taking garbage back in the house sort of retarded?
Have you ever thrown your cell phone in anger?
-- I would never, EVER, do that to Bullets.
Do you hate the last person you kissed?
-- In some ways, yes.
Do you want to see someone right now?
-- Omg you have no idea. ;A;
What were you doing last night at 11?
-- Watching something online. I think it was Superbad...?
Are you in a good mood?
-- Despite my moodswing-ridden days, I'm surprisingly feeling awesome. ^^
Has anyone told you a secret lately that you aren't allowed to tell anyone?
-- What, the fact that Rachel wants to ride Kai sooo bad? Hell no, I will not dare tell that to anyone!
Is there something you wish you could tell someone but can't?
-- Ahh, bull's eye. *runs of out witty things to say*
Honestly if you could go back 9 months and change something, would you?
-- I would've done better at school, but I dont think it actually matter anymore. *shrugs*
Are you wearing any clothes that don't belong to you?
-- Lol of course. I'm pretty fond of shopping at my sister's closet.
Do you have a lot on your mind at the moment?
-- I'm actually unusually blank at the moment.
How do you handle stress?
-- I binge.
I seriously want to post something sensible but right now my head feels like they've been vulcanized. I'm feeling uncomfortably light-headed. DDD8 Later, bbs. ♥ ラベル: bawwww, fuckery fuck fuck, memetiemzzz, this is srs bsns, useless worthless babblings
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CURRENT MOOD: [ Grumpy ] CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: Headache Man - the GazettE I know that this blog had delivered nothing but nonsensical, rant-infested posts for the past few days. And trust me, I hate it. Hate hearing myself bitch over the simplest things, and as much as I want my last rant to be the last, I can't help it. Everybody needs to get it over with this bullshit and yes, normally I wouldn't stereotype myself as "everybody" but I guess in this case I could pass. Because I'm just as pissed off as everyone who've ever heard of this crap. This will be a short one, I promise. (but don't hold onto that, you know me. *shrugs*)Anyways, I think everybody have heard of that Katrina Halili scandal? Well, normally I'm one of those very few who wouldn't give a ratshit, pretty much because sex videos aren't really a new thing nowadays. But when this whole hype had started flowing almost every fucking where, I couldn't resist the curiosity building up inside me. So I tuned in into the news, something I don't normally do, and waited for bits and updates over the issue. I was intrigued at first at how this issue had reached the supreme court. Lately I've been seeing newsclips of senators raging over the issue, babbling away with nonsensical claims, silently screaming that the senate should fuzz over this tiny issue more than they should in, I dont know, heavier issues that actually concern the whole citizenship of this country. True, there were laws that condemn such act and when an issue goes through the extent of breaching laws, then it should be srs bsns, that I understand. But what I don't fucking get is why's everyone all over this bullshit? Sure, I should never be the one to talk since I know barely of the damn issue except that boy fucks girl, boy tapes it and for some inane reason it spread like wildfire across the intarwebs. Musing over that, I've decided to dig deeper into the issue. Hence, I tried searching for the actual sex video online. And, god. I don't even know how to explain this. Pretty much, it was the most disappointing sex video I've ever seen in my entire life. The whole clip was about forty three minutes long, and for the first 10-20 minutes it had been nothing but still shot of the bed and the guy fidgeting all over the place. Then girl comes in, started with fondling and err..something else that I shouldn't elaborate (for the sake of keeping this blog PG-13. Sorry guys.) and pretty much after that the real show when on. Now comes the cherry on top of this mediocrity, The guy fucking nutted in less than 10 minutes of the actual sex. Now, I was never really the porn-junkie type, but I am capable of telling whether a porn was a good porn or not. And it was bad, reaaally, reaaally bad to the point that even a flailing virgin like myself weren't stimulated in any way. I don't even know why I'm ranting over the actual video, but I was just really pissed. Pissed, because I get to finally see and realize that it wasn't just my irrational, contradictory self talking when I refused to even pay attention to this issue. It was because it's just...not freakin' worth it, you know? At first, I wasn't feeling bad for the girl. I was thinking that she just got what she deserves; for hooking up with a not-so-single jerk, for being careless and letting her guard down, for being stupid most of fucking all. But now I just feel really sorry for the her. I mean, if I was in her place (let's say jerk Tora taped me in such fashion. *coughs*) I would've just shrugged it off and tell people to fuck off because I had my fuck of the century. Scandalous much, but it was worth riding Tora, you know? But sadly, the sex was dissatisfying. And I can almost see where she's coming from and why she's bawling infront of the senate. The girl's sexually frustrated as fuck. *shrugs* I don't watch television, plainly because I see it as a huge downer pill. I hate how just tuning into a five-minute newsbreak could already sour up my whole day. I hate how mundane, afternoon telenovelas get away with their superficial, moral-induced facade when clearly, if you'd only dig deeper into their plots and characterizations, all you'll ever see are flaws. And I hate how everyone swoons over it, patronizes it even, obliviously being lulled by the fake images that the television had been feeding them. And I've always been glad that I'm not part of the hype, because it may be an important medium of communication, entertainment and social awareness to others, but to me it's pretty much the most vile, manipulative human invention to have ever exist. And just like in the scandal's case, it was oversensationalized by the media but thinking about it, there were other less fortunate girls who've been a victim of these crimes. Girls that deserve our sympathy more any actress, and the only reason why their cases were pushed in the backseat was because they're just normal people, with normal lives that if shattered, nobody would even give a ratshit about. And it was unfair in more ways than one, because I think people should be more concerned of the issue itself, rather than the people involved in the issue. I just hate how the media's turning people into tragedy-starved lunatics. *sighs* ANYWAYSSSSS,For a much lighter, less-srs bsns news, this awesome graphic maker hachi_707 of livejournal made another batch of awesum Gaze wallies and icons! Yayzz! I'm currently using, pretty much her cutest creation so far; Teehee. ♥ I hate how simple things like these could turn me into a mindless, giggling idiot. xDDDD And uh, I got to go. Enrollment day. *cringes* I'll get back to you guys after I deal with my school crap, and spam you more with awesome posts. Oh you know I'm good at it. Admit it! *pokes your side* See ya later, fuckwits. You guys mean alot to me. ♥ ラベル: bawwww, fangirlism is the best ism evarrr, fuckery fuck fuck, gazerock is hardcore love, i bitch, lolwhuuut, omgyayzzz, raggeeee, this is srs bsns, useless worthless babblings, wtf
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Tagboard. Maximum width of 700px. Height can be infinite.
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Browser: Mozilla Firefox
Screen resolution: 1280 x 800 pixels
Established since:西暦2009 年3月 18日
Host: Blogger
Layout: Indie Devotee
Done by: Victoria
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黒田 明日香。
Femme.
08-22.
O型.
Full time student, part time God.
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❝No matter how much you think you love somebody, you'll step back when the pool of their blood edges up too close...❞
-Chuck Palahniuk, Lullaby-
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....thefuck.
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